Salad Theory: No More Excuses, People

Salad. La di freakin’ da, right? Only then how come so many people screw up a salad? I see salads at potlucks, at family reunions, even at friends’ dinner parties, and I’m like “Really?” I don’t really say that. I eat it, slathered in whatever Creamy Chemicals N’ Bits salad dressing that is nearby. But it’s really easy to bring some joy to Saladtown. Trash the Bac-Os. Chuck every salad dressing in your fridge. And pay attention to the Rule of Threes:

Regarding Those Fancy Asian Sweet Chili Sauces…

I was just about to snack on some pre-frozen mini eggrolls–which I took an extra 7 minutes to bake in the oven instead of zapping in the microwave, because yeah, I’m big into authentic preparation–when I realized our fridge was devoid of any of those sweet chili sauces that you see all over the fake Asian sections of groceries. Not to fear: I mixed honey and sriracha together, and within seconds, my baby eggrolls were gone. If you want to feel really good about yourself, toss in some minced garlic and/or minced ginger. And it’s not just a good stand-in, it’s a smart replacement: You will never, ever waste money on that pre-bottled stuff again. (More money left for unhealthy pre-frozen eggrolls…YAY!)

Con-diments and Other Franken-groceries

What’s a “con-diment”? Honey mustard, for one. (Secret: It’s just honey and mustard mixed together, probably of way shittier quality than the honey and mustard you already own.) Pad Thai sauce, too. Sounds exotic, but why spend $4 for a tiny jar of ketchup, sugar and fish sauce. If you’re going that route, might as well pick up a jar of Goober, too. More pre-packaged scams, off the top of my head: